The Inner Critic....

The Inner Critic could be defined as the internal rules we all have for what behavior is acceptable, what’s shameful, what’s allowed, what’s ‘normal’, who I can be, who I can’t be, what I can do, what I can’t do.  And often these rules apply to our expectations of others too. 

The rules are internalized unconsciously and become a set of guidelines to live by - and they are usually fully established by the time we are 7 years old.  They are embodied, so the moment you step outside of these lines, the inner critic comes out in full force to bring you back into the confined space that your history allows.  The body plays its role through nerves, anxiety, tension, stress and even illness.   

The Inner Critic has an important function in the world though – the culture and society we are born into has the job of socializing us so that we can survive, and become part of our family, community, society or country.  The inner critic is what tells us how far away from people we should stand when we are talking to them, it’s how we know how to greet people, how to be in relationship, what to do when something goes wrong, where not to walk, how to stay safe.  Unfortunately many other subtleties creep in to the set of rules we think we have to live by.  And this is where the Inner Critic becomes a hindrance to our growth and development. 

Each time we step beyond these rules into something new, something unfamiliar, the inner critic does the job it has always done –it tries to keep us safe, it brings us back from the brink of vulnerability.  The inner critic interprets every change from the norm in the same way as it interprets you stepping over the edge of a real cliff, falling to your death.  Of course if it interprets life this way, it will keep you from the edge of the cliff as best it can and as effectively as it can.  And it does.  

  

The effect of the inner critic, and the means by which it operates are different depending on the individual.  One good way of seeing whether it’s in action or not is to feel in to whether what you are thinking is causing you to become deflated or lesser.  Often this internal regulator can mean we have thoughts such as ‘Who am I do to that ?’, ‘Why would I ever think I could be that?’.   

It can also manifest as experiencing ourselves as ‘puffed up’ or ‘better than’.  There could be an invitation that presents itself into a way of being that’s more compassionate, or more loving, and our inner critic comes up with ‘What on earth would I want to appear weak for anyway?’.  You can tell when this is happening because others seem to be less than you somehow. 

Either way, the inner critic is trying to keep you how you were before – trying to keep you in the bounds you are tightly held by because of your family, culture, society, country of origin.

In the beginning of our work with the Inner Critic, the best way I have found of working with it is to be firm, and tell it where to go.  Acknowledge it and then do whatever it is you want to do in spite of its raging.  Take a moment to connect with your true desire, your true heart’s longing, and do what that says rather than the restricting, logical, ‘normal’, self-regulating thoughts you have.