What does it really take to change ?

Recently I have been asking myself big questions about how to be the kind of person that has people in my life feel seen, heard, supported and loved.  Often I am in the company of people who are suffering, or want things in their life to be different for whatever reason, and somehow I find myself in the role of supporting them in making changes that would have them feel more aligned with happiness and purpose.

What are the qualities I need to embody in order for this to happen? How do I need to be within myself for this to be a possibility?

In sitting with this question, a story came up in a conference call I was on the other night, about Jessica Ennis, the 2012 Olympics Team GB Gold Medal Winner of the Heptathlon event.  A lady was telling us the story of an interview that was broadcast on the BBC about the Javelin throwing and the work her coach had to do with her to improve her score in this event – which would enable her to compete for the medals they both so wanted to win at the 2012 Olympics.

Jess and her coach knew that they had to adjust the angle of her Javelin throw by four degrees in order for her score to be good enough in this part of the Heptathlon event.  Her coach was saying in this interview that with five days per week of Javelin practise leading up to the 2012 Olympics, he planned to change her throw by approximately 1 degree each year.  And they needed the change to be by four degrees in total. When the interviewer asked him what his role was in this process, he spoke of his ‘real work’ being compassion, empathy and understanding. Jess had to go through the slow change that would take her to where she wanted to get to, and what she needed from her coach was him keeping her to the promise they had made, and to be with her in a way that had her feel compassionately supported and deeply ‘seen’ through all the ups and downs that were to come with this change.

This story resonated with me – I sometimes feel I am here to help, or to assist in having people be happier.  I feel attached to the world being a happier place, and if I see myself failing to do this in any way, I give myself a really hard time.  Hearing this story hit me somewhere inside, showing me my ‘real’ work: that it’s not the short term, immediate outcome (being happier) that is the most important thing, but being the kind of person that can be with the process that people are all going through in their lives – with compassion, empathy and understanding.  That I would be the kind of person who can be present to discomfort, anxiety and all that comes with being human and be able to meet it all with respect and kindness, would mean I am being the kind of person I want to be.