So where is this note going ? Well, in San Francisco this year, I met Norman Fisher who is a Zen monk (www.everydayzen.org) and one of the things he said has stuck to me and gladly it wont go away. In a way I think it forms part of the essence of what I mean when I talk about Sacred Rebellion.
Norman spoke about how, as children it is necessary for us to become socialised, to learn the norms of our culture and society - the 'rules' that keep us safe, keep us part of something and enable us to get on in the world. When we are small, a big part of life is about becoming socialised, taking on family norms, knowing when there is danger about, watching those around you, and learning how to be in the world. This is needed, it's necessary. Most people accept this to be true. And this is how we bring our children up. It all started here - the perception we now have as adults began to be formed in this early stage of life. No one can escape this - it's how it is for all of us.
What we forget is that there is another part of human development that needs to happen in adulthood and this part is just as necessary as the one above. I'm calling it 'de-socialisation'.
What I'm talking about here is the journey back to our essential, unsocialised selves. A journey that's about remembering the heart of us which was not dampened by the socialisation that happened when we were younger.
Norman was running a workshop called Rage and Imagination when he talked about this. We were thrashing around to Rage Against The Machine in a chintsy, bad carpet conference room with uncomfortable chairs and no windows. We were finding out what it was like to unselfconsciously throw ourselves about to the music, not caring what anyone was thinking, acting out a mood of rage to see what effect this had on us. It was hilarious, liberating and fun. Vibrant, electric and child like.
During our childhoods we took on messages, teachings, ways of being. Consciously and unconsciously we absorbed our environments like sponges, soaking up the interactions between our parents, watching them deal with life, and forming our own ways of being. Based on this set of characters, this play we were born into, our perception began to take shape and what we believed about ourselves, others and life was starting to form.
And our parents were not perfect - no one is. Our worlds of perception are created by all the events of our lives - this perception is in part, a result of our parents doing the best job they could in socialising us, giving it their best shot with the resources they had at the time.
And at some point, we feel the call to find ourselves. To find out something more true than what we took on as children (and still mistakenly use to deal with life as an adult). To discover a way of seeing and being that is powerful, liberating, creative, fulfilling and honest.
Maybe the way we are going about our lives isn't working so well for us any more ? Maybe our relationships have patterns running through them that are unhealthy and unsustainable ? Maybe our partner is asking for something different from us - and we love them, and we don't understand, so we ask for help ? Maybe we find the work we are doing no longer fulfills us? And the journey begins.
Whatever stories our lives seem to be playing out, recovering our childlike, essential selves is necessary if we are to live free, full, confident, compassionate and expressive lives. We deserve to experience this part of our humanity, the people around us deserve our loving kindness. Life itself deserves our full participation.
To move beyond our limited perception means something different for us all. We will always experience our lives in wholly different ways to one another. There is not one truth, there is not one 'objective reality' that we're all going to share. But there is the possibility that we may see with new eyes, that we may put our stories, our perceptions, our interpretations to one side and truly see who and what's in front of us like we are seeing it for the first time. And keep doing it again and again.
I don't consider this an easy thing to do. It takes practise. It requires love, patience, compassion and kindness to work with ourselves in this way. This is a heroes journey. A leap of faith even.
The bottom line is that if we don't question our limited perception, our children, our partners, our precious selves suffer from the worlds we are all projecting. This affects how we parent, how we are in relationships, how we are at work, how we see ourselves, how we learn, what possibilities we can aim ourselves at.
Here are a few questions we could ask ourselves to see the extent of how our learned perceptions may be making our lives more difficult than they need to be:
What did my parents teach me about loving relationships? What qualities do I bring to my relationships that remind me of my parents ?
What did my family life teach me about abundance, money and work ?
How did my home and school life shape the way that I look at what's possible for my life and my contribution to the world ?
As a first step, we could list our answers to these questions, and simply look at them carefully. We might discover that some of our perceptions were learned in error, and we can watch them showing up and bit by bit and choose to let them go. With presence and kindness, we can see them for what they are - perceptions, opinions, interpretations - and we can know they are not who we are, they are not the truth of us, they do not need to run our lives.
In writing this, I experience my longing to step beyond my own limited perception of life, people and circumstance. I experience my willingness to see my perception as an interpretation rather than a truth that I need to defend or promote. I make the declaration that I am my true and playful self, with gifts to bring, life to receive and contributions to make. May my heart lead the way on the ever continuing path of self-discovery.
No comments:
Post a Comment