Something that we all encounter when we are attempting to create something new, or break into new territory for ourselves is the voice inside of us that wants to keep us small, to hold us where we are, or even make us smaller. The personality is into comfort. It's into having us remain the same. In reality, there is way more to being a human being than having thoughts, feelings and sensations. And yet we spend so much of our lives being defined, refined or bound by them.
What if your thoughts, were simply just passing clouds, that we could pick up and put down as we choose ? What if our feelings were currents passing through a vast ocean of being and we could see them for what they are rather than things which define us ? What if the image we have of ourselves was a mere reflection of reality rather than being as real as we make it with our self-judgement, comparison and constant assessment ?
I think of my personality as a fence that defines an established paddock or field. The fence is sturdy and strong, and deeply routed in history. It determines where I can play, where I can work and who I can be in relationship with and in what way. In fact, my fence is like an electric fence. Each time I step beyond it, I get some kind of electric shock which is intended to bring me back into the established field. The electric shock could be one of the following:
Who am I to do something great ?
Who says I am good enough to do that ?
There is no way you'll succeed at that ?
How would you even make a living doing that ?
What will people think ?
Everyone will think you're an idiot.
What if I fail ?
The thing about this familiar field, is it's quite alright here. It's pleasant most of the time, and I have a space in the world that I occupy comfortably. It may be small, but it's mine and it's fine. And I know what's what here. I feel safe. I am as people have come to know me here. I feel like 'me'. So as you can see, this presents a dilemma - if it's fine here, why would I want to go beyond it?
Within this boundary, what's familiar to me exists - my job, my relationships, my way of being in the world, my way of seeing the world, my body shape, my house, the amount of money I earn, the friends I have, the degree to which I take risks, who I take myself to be. If we listed what's familiar, we'd have a huge list - one thing you could do is make your 'familiar list' - you could have a go at it by answering the following questions:
Where do I feel comfortable ?
Who do I feel OK around ?
What do I do every day ? What's my routine ?
What's my 'not routine'? What patterns do I see each day in my life ?
What activities bring me a sense of calm and peace ?
As you'll see from your list, you could add many more things that will make up the field you are comfortable in, and it's clear that what's familiar is where we feel most comfortable.
The challenge arises when we start to step beyond this - either by choice or because circumstance demands this of us.
For example: I have to sell my house because we do not have the funds to continue paying for the mortgage. One of the familiar items on my list is where I live and how comfortable and safe this makes me feel in the world. Now my personality starts up, and the way it tries to keep me small is through fear: What if you move somewhere else and you don't feel safe ? What if there is no where else to move to that you feel safe in ? What is moving house is a terrible experience - they say moving is one of the most stressful events in peoples' lives. This is an example of circumstance changing - and circumstances are normally familiar, so when they change, we feel challenged.
Another example: I want to change career - I no longer want to work as an Assistant, I want to be a presenter who speaks about meaningful things to the world. What's familiar is getting a salary, working for someone else, doing something I am skilled and experienced at, going to the office each day, being with people I know and enjoy being around.
Now my personality starts up - I want to do something different and the system that so efficiently keeps things the same is switched on full: You are not good enough to do this ? It's too risky - you might not earn enough money to earn a living from it. Who am I to talk to others about what's meaningful ? Plenty of people do this already, why do I think I can add anything ?
What's important is that we are able to identify the mechanism at work - some call it the Inner Critic, some call it the Monkey Mind - find a name that feels like your mechanism. Mine is actually a more fearful version of me - the voice feels familiar - it's sneakily made itself sound like my voice of reason in my head - but I know it's not thinking or feeling with my greater expression as it's most heartfelt and meaningful orientation. It takes a while to identify what your inner critic sounds, feels and looks like. I have heard people talk about theirs in different ways. For some it's the voice of a parent, for others it's a cynic, a dragon, an old hag, a coach, an old teacher, the 'logical one'. And it can appear in the body too. Notice what happens in your body when you step into something new - how does your body react - does it become tired, slumped, puffed up, arrogant, shy, collapsed, sweaty ? The body is a great way of looking at what goes on for us when we step out of our norms.
The good news is that we can develop ways of engaging with our inner critic that enable us to continue to move in the direction of our dreams, and not be guided or controlled by these critical thoughts, feelings and bodily reactions which aim to keep us small and unseen. The more skilful we become at identifying these patterns of criticism, the more capable we be become of working with them. Some people tell their inner critics to 'f**k off' or they simply say 'thank you' and continue on with what they are doing or heading in the direction they are going. Some people interview them and then tell them that they have had enough of the conversation and gently tell them to be quiet. If we can get to grips with our inner critics - a whole new world of possibility can open up for us. And we can begin to be supported by our innate energy for the things we love.
It's the Sacred Rebellion inside all of us, by the way, that chooses something greater than this smallness, this criticism, this judgement. Because we all know there is more to us, more to life than feeling small and insignificant.
One for the comments below - what do you call your inner critic ?
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